I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
