Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
