Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
