Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize