I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
