are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
