Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
