As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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