i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
