Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
