This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize