so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
