This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize