you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
