I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
