so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
