I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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