He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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