The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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