so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She even gives head with a lisp.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize