Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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