Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
vagina is talking i cant
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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