dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize