So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
