Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
