she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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