Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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