Im at strip club and am horny
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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