well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
