If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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