He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
