I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need a beard to bite.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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