are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
