would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
