Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize