Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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