WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
