defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
