You're my little dorito
i will never coherently bang her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
