Yo dont text me then not text me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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