yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
