I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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