Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
