dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
