My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
