I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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