I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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