Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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