Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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