So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
