I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
