You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize