who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
