after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
