Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dick very happy bro
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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