I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
