it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
