I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
