Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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