Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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