I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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