I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
