are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
