she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
