Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize