we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
