my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
