we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
