the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
