Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where is the hickey?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
