Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
