I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
