He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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